


Scream

by Itscalledthedistrict



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Depression, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Historical References, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 23:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4499082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itscalledthedistrict/pseuds/Itscalledthedistrict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Personified Nation: The homo sapien organism representing a country's past, present, future, stereotypes, etc. They feel fear, love, happiness, sadness, loss, regret... they have experienced war, bloodshed, death, betrayal... and do not forget it. They all react in different ways to the memories. They all have their own coping mechanisms.... </p><p>Finland screams. And he does not stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scream

_Personification: a figure intended to represent..._

_Personified Nation: The homo sapien organism representing a country's past, present, future, stereotypes, etc. This personification has exhibited human feelings and is capable of making its own decisions._

_Some people forget that a personified nation is almost_ human _. It- no-_ they _feel fear. They feel love. They feel happiness and sadness and loss and regret..._

_They also think, talk, and act like a human. This can be dangerous, given a country's past. Many personified countries have experienced war, bloodshed, death, betrayal... and cannot forget it._

_Personified nations do not forget their past, no matter how much time has passed. They all react in different ways to the memories. They all have their own coping mechanisms._

_Many go through this process alone._

_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

Timo screams. 

And he doesn't stop. 

It doesn't happen often, but when it does it's horrible. The triggers are everywhere. Everything reminds him of the past. Russia's laugh, Denmark's shouts, Sealand's screams... 

These days, the memories are becoming older. His episodes are becoming farther apart. But the nightmares stay. Voices haunt him, saying " _you're next_ ". " _Remember Talvisota". "These countries used to own you"_...

The episodes improved tremendously when Finland agreed to live with Sweden again near their border. Timo doesn't like to admit how much help he needs. He is his own nation; he shouldn't need anyone to help him feel safer in his own country. 

But when the voices return and the bad memories wash away the good ones, it is nice to have someone who understands. 

So he is glad that at every world meeting, there is a seating chart. Every meeting, he is to sit next to his stoic neighbour. Every meeting, he feels stronger under Russia's glare, or Denmark's reminiscing look. He and Sweden have fought many battles together; this is just a more personal one. 

But usually these battles are fought in private, behind closed doors. 

He didn't expect the voices to come during a World Meeting. America had insulted Russia, saying things Finland himself remembers saying on the battlefield. The voices began in a whisper, getting louder as their argument went on. Then Russia called America out for sounding like "another delicate flower I knew." This made the voices scream. 

So did Timo.

He shocked many people in the room with his first outburst. His second caused all commotion to stop. People were shocked by the harshness of his voice, the constant flow of tears, the harsh grip on his ears. But the voices would not  _go away. It isn't like then. Russia has no power over you. You're your own country. Why are you so weak!? Get over it!_

The other countries did not know what to do. They had never seen such behaviour from any of the Nordic countries. Even Denmark, Norway and Iceland were lost. Finland has always been the calmest and the cheeriest of the group. He is the one who always wears a smile, even when times are tough. So they did what they thought should be done. They sent for Sweden, who was watching the micronations until lunch.

But Sweden must have known what was happening (more accurately, he probably heard the scream). Not even thirty seconds later he walked into the room over to Finland. He picked up the screaming Finn and made his way to the door. He did not acknowledge the several stares he received as he walked out of the room. The harsh Finnish screaming kept him on task.

None of the nations besides he and Finland know Finnish fluently, for that Sweden is grateful. If anyone else knew what Finland was saying they would feel ten times worse for him. In return, Finland would feel ten times worse for worrying them. It's more anxiety that Timo certainly does not need.

Berwald carried his partner from the conference room to their hotel room. It was one instance that Berwald was glad they were only floors away from their room. It made it easier for countries when they had attacks like this. He passed by, and ignored, many stares that followed them. What happened wasn't any of the human's business. Even if Sweden told them the truth, that he was holding the personification of Finland, they wouldn't believe him. Humans can be so stupid.

After entering their plain hotel room, Berwald gently placed Timo onto the bed. He stripped him of everything but his undershirt and boxers. He knows Timo better than anyone. He knew he felt suffocated in his work wear.

In situations like this, Berwald wishes he knew how to make the pain disappear. But all he can do is hold Timo and let the terrors subside. All he can do is hold him close and whisper sweet Finnish words into his ear until he can hear them.

He does not speak Swedish. They spoke Swedish when Finland was his territory. That is in the past, and Finland has his own language now. Maybe tomorrow they would speak in Berwald's native tongue, but not if Timo doesn't want to.  _Never_ if Timo doesn't want to. 

Eventually Timo's screaming became quieter, and his tears fell slower. With time, he uncovered his ears and realised he was okay.  _I am my own country, I am not ruled by anyone else. I live with Sweden as a_ choice _, not because I am forced to._

It is after he finished his internal reassurance that he could hear, that he heard the Finnish words Berwald was speaking to him. It is then that he felt the arms surrounding him, and the bed he was sitting on. He was too tired to think about what happened at the meeting, or what set him off in the first place.

He was too tired to wipe the tears from his eyes, so Berwald did it for him. He gently took them off of his face, placing a kiss on each cheek when all were removed. He looked into Timo's eyes for any signs of pain or depression.

His eyes were still red, the sadness still lingered, but Berwald was relieved to see many more emotions in them. 

Berwald kissed him softly, and without a word he carried him to the bathroom. He drew his partner's bath, he cleaned Timo's face a little more, and proceeded to undress him.

With help, Timo got in the bath. He was so tired, every movement sent waves of pain through his body. But the water felt nice, and the gentleness of Berwald's touch felt even better.

After living hell all over again, Timo will take all the affection he can from his partner.

When Berwald was sure Timo was in the bath safely, he moved to give Timo his privacy.

Timo grabbed his sleeve before he could leave.

"Don't leave me." Timo's voice was rough and deep and tired and  _hopeless._  His eyes were closed, but Berwald knew he was close to tears again. So Berwald did as he thought Timo wanted, undressing and getting in the tub behind him. 

"Never." Berwald's voice was the same as usual, but his accent changes when he speaks in Finnish. Timo enjoys the uniqueness of it; it makes him feel special. Only he gets to hear Berwald's accent in Finnish. 

Only he gets to feel Berwald's touch, and have Berwald's unconditional love. He likes to be reminded that only he has ever occupied that place in Berwald's heart. Timo wishes he was better with words of affection so he could tell Berwald the same, but he is positive Berwald already knows. He hopes Berwald already knows, but he would never mind telling his partner over and over again. 

"Stay with me." The words came out as a whisper, but they were loud enough. The three words have a lot of meaning behind them, they are unwritten history between him and Berwald. The answer is the only thing that keeps Timo sane during times like these. 

And with his back against Berwald's chest, his head against his breast, and his smaller hands intertwined with Berwald's bigger ones; Timo hears the words that brings a small smile to his lips every time

"Until the demons leave and forever more." Then with a kiss to his neck and arms wrapped around his torso, Timo believed him.

Timo knew he'd be better tomorrow. He'd be able to attend the second meeting like normal. His outburst wouldn't be mentioned. He'd hold Sweden's hand under the table, and represent his country right. There will be days like this again, but with Berwald's help he'll get passed them. 

So now, as Finland looks around at his fellow countries, he feels bad for those unlike him. Who have to go through the horrors of being a country on their own. He wonders how they do it, but he would rather not find out. 

Because he knows he would collapse without Berwald.  

**Author's Note:**

> Talvisota: Finnish name for the Winter War
> 
> This story is the first in a sequence of stories that I will write. The stories will be like this one, focusing on individual countries and how they cope with their past. I'm working on a Romano one right now, so look out for that! I hope you enjoyed, and if you have any suggestions on characters I'd love to hear them.


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